Threesomes and Economic Theory

Okay folks, this topic is going to take a huge preface just so that nothing gets taken out of context regarding me and/or ‘R and our relationship with each other, which is only friendship (a MOST AWESOME one, btw).  Bluntly stated: We are NOT sleeping with each other, so don’t even go there.  So now that we have that covered, let me explain how ‘R and I relate to each other.  Early in our friendship (like within a few days) we made two rules: No Judgement and No Lies.  Yes, this was expressly stated and we made that a pact between each other.  By doing that, here is what happened: we were able to tell each other anything without fear of being rejected.  It has been quite a freeing experience to be able to talk about absolutely anything and know that your friend is not going to think badly of you or dismiss the friendship over something said.  Actually, quite the opposite has happened. Both of us have been able to learn a great deal about things we previously had no insight about.  We are also able to ask each other anything.  So far, I think every question has been answered between us, except maybe some that we lose track of because I ask so damn many questions!

Now the second part of the preface: Those of you that know me personally know that I have been single since May. With that fact out there, that also means (in my case) that I have not had sex in awhile.  (Mom, I know you are freaking out about now, but just hang in there, I will not be getting graphic!) Okay, with that being said, that does not mean I don’t THINK about it.  ‘R is perfectly aware of this fact and so we are not shy about discussing any of this either.  That should sufficiently supply the context for our texting discussion during Christmas Eve afternoon.  This discussion happened between roughly 2:00 and 4:00 while we were both cleaning our respective houses.

Prior to where I begin the conversation below, I had asked him if he had seen “A Beautiful Mind” (the movie) and what time he and Ram were coming over. He answered and now let’s get to the discussion finally!!! (I have neither deleted nor added anything to this, only corrected spelling errors.)

Me: Okay thanks. Just wanted a time-line. So about this movie you haven’t seen. (it is a true story) John Nash comes up with this huge economic theory that starts with him thinking about how he and his friends choose girls at a bar.  Something very similar happened to me this morning (although it is not completely worked out yet) while I was thinking about threesomes. Or rather, the problems associated with them and why the ones I have had have been so yawnish and not even worth it. Hang on, gotta let Lindsey in. . .

Me: Anyway, thru the course of this thought process, I came up with the ideal threesome model and how to implement it.  So it started with sex, but had much larger ramifications if it was applied to social, political, and business purposes.  One major flaw in my theory is that all parties need to come from the same basic motivation in order for this concept to work. (still working on that part) In the threesome example, all parties would have to come from the same motivation: in my case, I would only be able to accept two. Those would be love and/or fun.  I would not be able to engage happily if the motivation of others involved were lust or greed or power or some offshoot. You following so far? There is more. . .

‘R: Yeah, pretty complicated.

Me: If I am confusing you then I will stop.

Me: I need to vacuum anyway. Maybe I will be able to explain it better and shorter after thinking about it more.

(I vacuum two rooms then check my phone)

‘R: Ok, got it.

Me: Okay, stand by. Almost done vacuuming and have a much shorter way to explain this. (had to move the footstool, so almost done.)

Me: Simplified: two is company and three is a crowd. Why? Because it is hard enough for two people to hammer out who is what and in charge of what, let alone adding a third.  But it doesn’t have to be that way to begin with. Here is the problem in interpersonal relationships often. Someone always wants the upper hand. Why? Power probably. Why? A myriad of reasons, most likely self-doubt ones and this makes a person feel better knowing they have control over something. (never mind it is another human being) Anyway, if you eliminate people trying to dominate each other in different ways and instead define mutual values and goals, then everyone can help each other achieve each others’ goals and everyone will also be completely satisfied in several ways during the process. Hang on. . .

Me: So let’s take the threesome example I was speaking of. If everyone involved is coming from a place of love/fun then giving to the other people will be most pleasing. With all three giving and receiving and gaining pleasure from both aspects, it makes for an even more pleasurable experience for all parties.  Everyone is engaged and doing their part and also receiving benefits while they are “pleasing” someone else. By “receiving benefits” I mean they are getting personal satisfaction by giving someone else they love pleasure. The most awesome pleasure ever: making someone you love feel good.  🙂

Me: And I came up with the most excellent model to achieve the perfect threesome by the way!  It was a great morning!  🙂

Me: Ok, so extrapolate the concept into 3 parties involved in say “business”. If all three parties can agree on a mutual basis about what their intentions are and what their goals are, then great things could happen with everyone benefiting and no one feeling like they just got screwed.

Me: Let me give an example of one thing I have heard of that makes most perfect sense to me. Friends helping each other at their houses. A group of friends rotates whose house they will go to to accomplish tasks. Could be cleaning, painting, yard work, or whatever needs done. Each friend is happy to help their respective friends and the recipients are grateful and appreciative of the help without feeling guilt. After all, they have either previously helped or are planning to help the next time.

Me: Here is where the problem arises: when someone wants help for ulterior motives and has no intention of giving anything in return. Basic selfishness and greed.  Then they get benefits and offer nothing in return. This makes the “helpers” feel unappreciated, and makes them skeptical of newcomers. Then the system bogs down and people take sides and we get nowhere and everyone just tries to protect what they have. Pretty much where we are now.

Me: I summarized that fairly quickly, but there is no reason that small alliances cannot be formed amongst friends to help each other out.  Yes, completely extrapolated is a lofty goal given the nature of mankind. (and I am stunned at the biblical nature my thought-process has taken me. I don’t know what all the sins are, but I have hit on a few I am positive.) But small steps can be taken to make the world a better place amongst those we love and care about.  Furthermore, it sets a positive example to others how mutual respect and admirable goals can get you further than greed and lust and gluttony, etc. and also provide the best pleasure without harming another.

Me: That essentially concludes my thoughts for now. I need to vacuum the hallway and bedrooms to feel like I have completed my task. Also fold the load in the dryer. Thanks for listening. Ha! If you are even still there!  🙂  or rather, thanks for letting me type my thoughts, I needed to!

‘R: Yeah the plan is unworkable; all the variables and especially the innate human condition that makes it very difficult for each individual to even be honest with themselves. Many other problems too. . .Ex: This is an underlying belief of the One.

Me: The “One”. Was that the end, or did your message get cut off? If not, what does “the One” mean?

Me: And it is not unworkable, it is unlikely. Most people have no willingness to look inside themselves to make changes. It is much easier to blame everyone else.

‘R: Barry. This idea is at the heart of all liberal ideas. Let’s all do our PART, FAIR SHARE, etc. . . Smarter or harder working people refuse, realizing that it is too far against their best interest. Conservative ideas generally revolve around the idea of a desire for fair and equal opportunity but the individual must seek those and work to achieve. Then hopefully be charitable and generous to those who have trouble doing the same.

Me: Here is my perspective and I am coming from a different place: the things I value are efficiency, fun, truth, logic, reason, beauty, order, and one other I am forgetting and I am not looking it up on my blog to remember! If I surround myself with like-minded individuals, then none of us will ever take advantage of each other and we will all be able to help each other achieve each others’ goals more quickly and efficiently.  At the same time we all get personal satisfaction from helping those we love and seeing them succeed. Thru this is what I am speaking of, not helping those without for no reason.  We can do that individually, should we choose, but not as part of this hypothetical alliance I am proposing. I am saying that it is possible for a small group of people to achieve great things thru mutual support and also have a lot of fun in the process. (and be efficient for mutual benefit as well)

Me: My neighbor just hand-delivered a Christmas card with a very nice note inside.  🙂

‘R: Nice neighbor. Where has this idea been successful?

Me: Small example: Moon and I helping each other clean carpets and splitting the rental fee. Had fun, while getting shit done quicker and cheaper.  Here is the part I am still working out, because I think it is a new model.  There is most definitely an aspect of capitalism in here.  At least in the way I am viewing it. I already went thru earlier, before I told you any of this, of how it seemed communistic and/or socialistic.  But that didn’t seem right either because I am thinking this way for efficiency and cost-saving and also fun reasons.  Hard to explain, does that sort of make sense? (sorry, mom called and delayed my response)

Me: Analogy: The quicker I catch my fish, the more time I have to teach others how to catch their own. (I have no intention of catching them for them)

‘R: Cooperation amongst like-minded people is fantastic. Typically to maintain this in groups, force is required. . . including democratic groups, although in these it is supposed to very limited.

‘R: Awesome. . . If the others are motivated and want to submit to your teaching.

Me: If not, move on. No regrets here. Dumbasses. I can shrug with the best of them.

Me: Interesting what you say about force. . . yes that is a premise that I am having a problem accounting for. That is why I say each person needs to come from the same basic viewpoint. Someone wanting to take advantage will fuck everything up, either by mooching or trying to gain power where none is needed.

(That concluded our discussion, but I kept thinking about the second to last text and had to add another thought an hour and 15 minutes later)

Me: You know, I was peeing and thinking about what I said earlier about shrugging and moving on.  I hope you didn’t take that to mean that I don’t care and just ditch people.  That was not what I meant at all, especially so regarding people I love.  My point is that I don’t waste my time beating a dead horse.  People that don’t want to help themselves can never be truly helped until they decide to change something within. That was my point. The way I stated it sounded dismissive and non-caring and that is not what I meant.

So that was the end of our discussion and we haven’t discussed it since, other than me getting his permission a few minutes ago to post our conversation.  They came over a few hours later and they followed me and Lindsey (my dog) out to my parents’ house and we all had a great time at a party.  My point here is that we felt no need to bring it up again, at least not yet, and certainly not at a party.  We were there to share with family and friends, not discuss economic theory!

Okay, this morning I stuck in “A Beautiful Mind” and skipped to the scene where John Nash comes up with his economic theory (governing dynamics) by thinking about the female selection process amongst friends in a bar.  One thing struck me: I didn’t agree with his premise.  His premise is that everyone in the group has the same basic goal. (or at least fairly similar)  In this case, they all ignore the prettiest girl and instead go after her friends and all the guys leave with a girl. (and none of them with the prettiest one)  This works if everyone’s goal is to get laid.  What if one or more of the group has a completely different goal.  For example, what if only one of the four wanted to get laid, and the other three got their pleasure (benefit) from helping their one friend get laid.  In this case, he could go for the prettiest one and everyone would still be most satisfied. (except for maybe the 4 girls being ignored)  Let me follow with another example referencing something I already mentioned.

In my discussion with ‘R, I gave the example of friends helping each other at each others’ houses and everyone benefiting as long as no one was involved for a solely selfish or greedy purpose.  Personal example: Every May or June, I go visit my friend Sidekick in Illinois.  My main purpose is to see my friend and have a good time.  What happens every year is that we go buy flowers and we plant all of her flower boxes and pots and she ends up with a beautiful yard she can enjoy all summer.  Why do I do this? Because I love planting flowers and enjoy beauty. Plus, I am good at it and get to help my friend.  The end result: we are both happy and have had a lot of fun spending time together and accomplishing something that she will enjoy all summer. Do I expect anything in return? Nope. Well, yeah. I expect beer, her most awesome chicken, and her superb shells and cheese!  But you see, I would get that anyway without any of the work because she loves both me and all of those things anyway.

Another quick example for emphasis: Sometimes when my mom is in town, she comes over while I am at work and cleans my house. Not the whole house, just what she likes to do. Mainly, vacuuming, dusting, and rearranging my furniture to make more sense.  Why does she do this? Mainly because she loves me, but also because she wants to help, she is killing time, order is something she enjoys, and she doesn’t want to drive all the way home and waste gas.  Benefits for both of us from this: she gets satisfaction showing her love for me while doing something she enjoys. I have a clean house and have more time for other things (like economic theory!)  I get to live in the results and my dog Lindsey gets to go potty earlier and get treats from Grandma. Polo has to work fewer years because mom is at my house cleaning instead of at a store dreaming of new decorating ideas.  I could go on forever, but I won’t. You should get my point by now.

Ultimately, here is my “whole-picture” point: (Finally)  This has always been my problem with every economic theory I have heard. (This also applies to my problems with Social, Psychological, Political and most every other theory)  I am not a mathematician, but I don’t see how an equation can explain someone’s intent and/or personal qualitative reward for doing something especially when they are doing it out of love and expect nothing in return.  These theories are all based on the presumption that people do things for either power or quantitative interest (money or some tangible reward), rather than factoring in that perhaps they are just doing it because they want to either out of love or just because they enjoy it.  See the beauty in it? Pretty cool!

Okay folks, I gotta proofread this (and I am sure I will still miss shit) and then get ready for work. It is going to be a long day since I thought I was doing Inner Loop today and tomorrow, until I double-checked last night. Nope, 12-8 Standby instead. (for those of you that don’t know, this job involves sitting around waiting for something bad to happen.) Why will it be a long day? Because I had planned my sleep schedule around Inner Loop at 6 a.m., not Noon, so I have been up since very early today with no nap.  It’s okay though, I will sleep awesomely tonite!  Later on and I’ll see ya when I see ya!

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