So I said in my first blog entry that I believe one thing leads to another, to another, to another, etc. to infinity. Well, in this one week of my blog, that has been truly apparent to me with things that have happened. I am not sure if I am more aware of things because I am thinking about what to write, or if things are connected to what I have already written about. Interesting thing to contemplate someday on Inner Loop, which I have again for two weeks in a row again later in Dec/Jan! Total score and look out then!
Wow. So where to begin. Let me start by adding a new character. For the purposes of this blog she will be referred to as “Moon”. I am dropping the part about qualifying people as best friends. Rest assured, anyone with a pseudonym in this blog is one of them. These are people I trust and have personally vetted and we have shared with each other. Okay, that being said, Moon disclosed some really personal information about herself to me earlier this week. I could tell by the look in her eyes that she was, at the very least, apprehensive about telling me this info. Then, I saw a calmness and she just went ahead and told me. And this was major stuff.
Okay, let’s back-track just a bit to Ash Beckham. She was the one that finally explained WHY using “gay” in the wrong sense was wrong to me. She also has another video about coming out of your closet. (I swear I will learn how to link references, just not right this second. Perhaps, ‘Y can help me there?) Her video is about coming out of any closet, not just the “gay” closet. Her main point is that “hard” is hard and should not be compared. Everyone has their own “hard” to deal with and that is their own personal “closet”. Tough conversations and revealing yourself need to happen in order for real communication to begin.
So Moon and I were chit-chatting today and she says, “So when did you come out?” I said, well, “15 or 16 with my parents, 17 or 18 with my best friend, and then, just as needed. But I haven’t really truly been out until the past few years. I finally hit a “Fuck It” point and now I don’t care who knows.” We laughed and she agreed that as we get older we all reach our own “Fuck It” points. And so true.
But during this conversation, several new thoughts occurred to me. Here’s the summation: the reason that I have been so generally happy and have felt so content the last several years is because of my “Fuck It” moment and attitude afterwards. I was the one holding myself back. I was not being truly honest with others and therefore, they were not being truly honest with me. Quid Pro Quo applied to relationships. Makes perfect sense now.
So we briefly discussed the truth in that and then I said to Moon, “Seriously, I don’t want you to take this the wrong way. But after what you told me about yourself, telling someone I am gay seems like nothing!!!” We laughed our asses off! Here’s the point, we both needed to be open to reach this point. Moon telling me her story was not easy for her, I am sure, but by me being open to listening, and asking sincere and sometimes funny questions, she got through it. And folks, there is nothing better than hearing someone’s true life story. It is better than any book you will ever read.